A Love Letter to Myself

 July 8, 2013

Dear Elizabeth,

Sometimes it is difficult to know why things happen. Most people would like to say there is always a lesson to be learned in every situation.  There will be times in your life when people disappoint you, and HAVE already done so. 

Remember that you are not your parents mistakes.  You open your heart again and again to your father--in hopes that things will change, that he will act differently, that he will come to his senses. Until he directly comes to YOU and shows evident good changes, do not approach him or convince yourself things are better. You have been hurt by his words and actions, and the only thing you can do is find peace in your heart so you can move on. You deserve far better and need to remind yourself of the truths of God.  Do NOT repeat the negative thoughts your father has told you. Easier said than done, right?  But you are the person in control of your own thoughts, and need to break the hurtful cycle of telling yourself you are no good, that you are broken and will never be fixed. God has bigger plans for you. Yes, you deserve a great father that understands, will comfort you, and will see his wrongdoings and will work things out.  But you do not have that, so you need to move on and understand that it is NOT because of you.  Your father has treated every family member this way, and you need to know that this is his battle that he has to overcome.  You cannot change him. Nobody can change someone if the person is unwilling to make changes or see their wrongdoings.

Break free from this negative cycle, so you can focus on beauty.  Life gets rough at times but the more you focus on your past, the less likely you will have full healing and be able to enjoy the present.  Let go of the bitterness, the anger, the lonely feelings that consume your mind.  Do something positive instead of dwelling on what you cannot change.  You will be far happier if you just remind yourself of that.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You have a lot to offer people and can impact people in a positive way-- That is what brings you joy.  Focus on such things. Things that bring a smile to you and others, that encourage, that inspire, and that show love.

You have come a long way in the last few years. You used to be so shy, and would not dare to think of coming up with ideas that require you to be in charge.  Something happened in the past year that has made you want to step up. When you are inspired, your anxiety and doubt seem to vanish. Two months ago you also never would have imagined of wanting to be in leadership.  Not sure what's going on, but now your heart is showing interest in that area.  What an amazing thing!  God is working in you and has better, bigger plans for you than you can even imagine!  You are an example of change. You can overcome ANYTHING that comes your way.  If you can change for the better in just one year, just think of where you will be in 5 years!

Remember that you deserve far better, and you are the one that allows people to treat you a certain way. If you do not hold yourself up to higher standards or respect, others will trample you and take advantage. *You is smart, You is kind. You is important* Believe it!

-Your Former Self

*This morning I was surfing around my favorite blogger sites. One of my favorite writers is "Me to the Power of We" .  She had a title called "Love Letter to Self". Before I could read it, I jumped on my blog and started writing a love letter to myself. After having such a tough week and feeling like there was no happiness in sight, I found this writing prompt to be very comforting. 

Self-Defense

As I tried to fight off two men, 

All I could think about was how I was going to escape...

My legs were numb, 

My breathing was heavy, 

My mind and body were about to give up.

Then that little voice inside of me said, 

"Get up! You're not done!"

It was the last day of the RAD (Rape Aggression Defense) program, and I was in the middle of physically proving that a petite, 5 foot tall woman could defend herself.  It was the most empowering, scariest, exhausting, emotionally draining situation I have ever encountered. 

Day 1:

Walking through the doors of the Police Academy gave me a sense of pure exhilaration.  The tune to the "Police Academy" movie kept playing in my head.

Sergeant Ray* and about 5 other instructors introduced themselves and went over a rundown of what situations we all need to be extra cautious about.  They went over how to keep yourself safe when in a public parking lot, going to parties that get out of hand, date rape, carjackings, kidnappings, home invasions, etc. There were a few things that I have been taught from a young age that they debunked.  For example, when it is dark outside and a woman is walking to her car, she might hold her key inbetween her forefinger/middle finger. That way if an intruder were to attack, she could jab him in the eye sockets or slash him across the face like Wolverine.  Sergeant Ray said that this is not the most effective way to fight an intruder because you most likely will break your hand in the process.  In any given situation though, you do what you gotta do!  Slashing your attacker with keys is better than doing nothing, in my opinion. Day one was also about learning punching techniques.  It was amazing to get all that aggression and frustration out in a safe environment.  It looked a lot like martial arts which is something I never had the interest to try before. 

Day 2: 

This day focused on combining punches and kicks.  There is not much to say about this day other than we had a lot of drills.  We learned in a whole group setting and then would break off into groups to practice what was taught.  

DID YOU KNOW?? 

You have to practice a move 15,000 times before it is engrained in your mind, and your body will automatically do it without thinking about it?

Day 3:

This was the day that I don't think anybody could ever be fully

prepared for.  Throughout the first few days they kept saying that Day 3 would be "The Event". Sergeant Ray would not tell anybody what it was about or what we were going to be doing. It did leave a sense of curiosity and anticipation within each of us.  We learned a few more moves and used practice dummies (pictured to the right).

Then it was time for "The Event".  My group walked into another room that reeked of mustiness, was small, and you could sense the fear/nervousness. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into...

 I was #4 in line to be "attacked". While waiting for my turn, I geared up and rooted on the ladies that were fighting with all their might.  It was very emotional because some of the "victims" were crying during their fight and the physical exertion was very evident. You have no control over what emotions show up during this time.  Even when I walked in there with a great attitude, great frame of mind, there was a rude awakening in store.  Finally it was my turn.  The instructor and I were pretending to walk down "the alleyway" when two dudes started cat calling and saying very inappropriate things. The second one guy approached and got in my face, I beat the hell out of  him!  Punching, kicking, jabbing, and of course screaming was involved. This was the easy round.  Right after that we jumped into the next scenario which involved two attackers. This round took more strength out of me and seemed to last longer.  When I got to the safety zone, I was already breathless and was like, "was that my last round?" NOPE!  Exhaustion had already set in and my breathing was labored. Round 3 was pure fear--no better way to describe it.  The difference with this round was how they started it.

They told me to close my eyes, walk to the end of the room and stand there. Your mind starts to play crazy tricks on you in this kind of situation even though you know it's all fake. Before I knew what was happening, heavy breathing and a disgusting grunting sound was next to my ear.  The intruders started to whisper dirty things in my ears. I could feel the attacker's breath on the back of my neck.  This time it did not feel like a simulation...this felt like an authentic, horrifying experience.  With the breathing and grunting going on, I screamed "Get away! Back off!"  Then he grabbed me and I threw punches.  This went on for awhile and before I knew it the other attacker picked me up from behind. It was extremely frightening and unexpected so I screamed and kicked with all my might.  My feet were dangling in the air and by this time I was so exhausted that I could barely kick my way free. Somehow I got loose but tripped and fell. This was my worst nightmare because all the instructors said specifically all week that this is NOT the position you ever want to be in. If you are in it though there are still ways to fight, but they say if you can stay on your feet during a fight then that's what they truly recommend.  Before I knew it, my attacker turned me on my stomach and got on top of me.  This was the moment I started sobbing but no tears came through. My body was weak, worn out, and my legs turned to jello.  It felt like 10 whole seconds of me lying there...doing NOTHING except having an internal battle with myself. The thought that I couldn't make it, that if I was put in this situation in real life I would be dead, and then that tiny little voice inside my head said, "GET UP! YOU'RE NOT DONE!" I'd like to think it was God speaking to me. Either way, that was all that was needed to get one last ounce of strength. At that moment I rolled him off of me and ran to the safety zone, collapsing onto the floor. It took me 30 minutes to recover and get my heart beating back to normal and to not feel like passing out.  

Honestly, this experience was the best thing I EVER did for myself.  Even when I gave birth to my son I was given an epidural and didn't feel much during my labor or during the c-section.  So being able to do this RAD program and "escaping with my life" was the most empowering thing ever. If you can get into a RAD program or self-defense class I highly recommend it. You will leave from there with confidence, information, and will know what to do in any given situation.

*By no means do I want to take this subject lightly.  Nor do I want to make it sound like I know what it is like to be a victim of an attack.  These are my own personal thoughts, and what was experienced in the RAD program. 

*Due to confidentiality, I renamed our Sergeant because every time I looked at him he reminded me of a bulky, Ray Ramone from "Every Loves Raymond"

*Most of you are probably wondering what techniques, punches, and kicks were learned. We were sworn to secrecy on that. Only RAD participants and instructors know...so with that said: Go take a class and find out :)

*All photos taken via Google images

Life is Beautiful

There are certain moments in life that cause me to pause, take a deep breath, and know that life is good.  Those are the rare moments--the moments when joy intercedes.  There are times when my mind sounds like buzzing bees, and there is practically nothing that makes it stop... Until, I hear a favorite song or something inspirational that stops me in my tracks. That's when a sense of calmness envelopes me...Those moments of peace...  Give yourself a break and enjoy the good things in life!

1.   My all-time favorite song by Leonard Cohen "Halleluiah". There are many variations, but today this version stood out to me:  Halleluiah


2.  About a year ago I came across Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience that was exceptionally written.  I completely forgot about it until a friend posted a link to it today and I was once-again swept away by her poetic, real, graceful writing.  Ann Voskamp is also the author of  One Thousand Gifts.


3.  Take a Seat, Make a Friend from Soul Pancake.  This makes me smile...especially the "teeth" part...


4.  Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst.  I have mentioned this book a million times on my blog.  This book has stopped me in my tracks to re-examine how I communicate with others and gives hilarious real-life examples.


5.  Because all moms need some grace....  So Wonderful So Marvelous blog

What are some things that put a smile on your face, that make you stop in your tracks?

Give yourself some grace today, and take time to slow down to enjoy the little joys in life. 

JULY Pinterest Exchange

If you want to participate email me at EHERMESCH@gmail.com with your name, the state you live in, and if you have a blog then let me know the link. Sign up for the exchange by July 1st!

Oh my goodness! I was in the middle of coming up with ideas on how to get together with some girlfriends.  And I had the brilliant idea of a Pinterest Party.  But then came another, even more brilliant idea... a Pinterest Pal Exchange!

Whose ready to get crafty and creative? 

Whose ready to make some new friends?

I have come across some amazing women that live out of state and would love to start a penpal/Pinterest Exchange through snail mail!

Every month, you will get paired up with a new Pinterest Pal.  You can do this every month, one time, or every once in awhile--you decide! You will create a Pinterest-inspired craft or Pinterest-inspired recipe to send to her, etc.  The ideas for this are endless!


If you want to participate for the month of July:

1. This time around, I will send out a mass email to participants with info on who they are paired up with . You will be responsible in contacting your partner. If you do not hear from them by July 5th let me know. I will pair you up with a new partner if possible. We had an incident in April where one partner never responded, but thank goodness I had a back-up girl to take her place.

2.  Snail mail/email/fb your Pal during the month so you can get to know each other. The main purpose of this exchange is to make new friends and become familiar with one another.

3.  Items need to be around $15.

4. Facebook, Blogger, and myself, Elizabeth Hermesch, will not be held responsible for damaged items or disputes.  I'm sure there won't be any issues, but lets keep it friendly and drama-free.

5.  If you have a blog you will need to post about the exchange. Please share your blog link on Get Busy Living's FB page when you receive your package: Get Busy Living's FB Page

 It's a great way to see what goodies we all received.  This will also help this exchange be even bigger and better for next month.  If you do not have a blog but could kindly take a photo of your items and post it on the FB page, I would be more than happy to show it on the blog :) Please share about this on your Facebook wall too :)

6. All exchanges need to be mailed out by Wed. July 24th.

-Elizabeth Hermesch

Have Fun. Be creative. Make New Friends :)

My April Exchange partner gave me this box of goodies :)  I love the Terrarium Kit!  Read about it HERE

Speech Therapy

The other day I had an appointment to see if my 2.5 year old is right where he needs to be developmentally.  The professional asked me questions pertaining to behavior, fine motor skills, gross motor skills, communication, and with socializing.  When she added up the points, my son fell in normal ranges and communication was in the concerned range.  As a former teacher, I am very proactive when it comes to these things. I want to make sure I am doing my best as a parent to find resources if my child needs them.  Tackling these things early is a good way to set them up for success, and to make sure we catch it before it becomes a larger issue/something that cannot be reverted.

This did not surprise me because we have been keeping an eye on his speech since he starting talking over a year ago.  There are certain words he cuts off, or cannot pronounce correctly. At this point, he is still not really talking with more than 1-2 words to ask for something.  There has been a lot of progress in the last few months.  Since he was one year old, our son would say "cu"(referring to "milk"...we think he was trying to say "cup"). Joshua has now resorted to asking for milk by saying "mmm" so it is progress in the right direction.  There are a lot of things he has learned over the last few months and are excited about.

I am not writing this to diagnose or put a label on my child.  I think that was my fear when I was thinking about asking my friends for help or putting this out there.  Initially, it seemed more comfortable to keep this between my husband and I.  In the end, I'm realizing my hesitant behavior is not because I am embarrassed.  It is all about protecting my son so he later does not feel embarrassed himself or feel like he has been put in a box.  My fears about this topic stem from my own childhood...

I was the speech child.  I even went to kindergarten twice.  I think the way I felt about myself growing up is what I do not want my son to experience.  I want Joshua to excel. I want him to have the best self-esteem.  This is just coming from a parent that wants the best for her child.  Just as I am sure you want the best for your child.

Joshua has another appointment coming up to be observed.  From there, they will determine if possible speech therapy is the route to take. Maybe they will say everything actually looks great, or maybe they will say he does need therapy.  Either way, educating myself on this topic is important and I am sure others would like to learn more too.

My main purpose for this post is to get over my own insecurities, but also to ask for advice and support.  The professionals will be giving me info but I would like to hear from those who have experience with this too.  Feel free to email me if commenting on here is not helpful:  ehermesch@gmail.com

Does anybody have experience with a 2-5 year old who has done speech therapy? 

What is some good advice or experiences you can share with me?  

-Elizabeth

Imperfect Progress

Recently my friends had a discussion about how will they know when they have 100% accomplished what they set out for. For example, someone really wants to work on themselves and reach a place of peace.  Once they look back, they can see small accomplishments but are never satisfied with the current results.

This got me thinking... We are too hard on ourselves. In most big situations, you cannot get from Point A to Point B within a designated amount of time. If I am trying to come to peace with certain situations in my life, you cannot measure the distance and determine "I will be here on this day. I will have this peaceful feeling 2 months from now."  Not saying that you cannot make a goal and keep it--you can!  This is in reference to certain situations that cannot be measured.  Sometimes it is a slow process, and sometimes there is a reason for that.  Maybe you need all that time to reach your goal so you have plenty of time to process the situation and learn something from it.  A slow process can also make you appreciate it even more when you do finally accomplish what you set out for. Have you ever received something instantly, thought that was cool, and then you're off to the next thing you want?  Well, if we were always given everything on the spot and did not have to work hard to get it, we would not appreciate it as much.

Also, even if you work hard and made progress we are sooo hard on ourselves and think we have not made hardly any progress. We need to remind ourselves that little progress IS progress. Give yourself credit.  The fact that someone is working on themselves or trying to reach a specific goal is enough to show that they do care, and that they do want to make a difference.  

If I were to go further in detail with this topic, I would tell my friend that maybe it is a good thing she is never satisfied with where she is.  I know that sounds odd, but let me explain.... The day you are 100% whole as a person and have nothing else to learn, it better be the day you are in Heaven.  While we are on Earth, we will always be searching for more and hopefully wanting to be better than what we are. That is natural. That is how God created us--to constantly want to better ourselves and learn from experiences.  We will never be perfect but we can strive to live a happy lifestyle and improve our crappy situations. 

I am reading a book right now called "Unglued" by Lysa Terkeurst.  The author constantly repeats the phrase, "Imperfect Progress".  Throughout the last few weeks, I have had to remind myself of that phrase.   I will always have something to work on and will never be perfect.  Nobody is perfect.  That is not to get you down, but to be an uplifting reminder to give yourself some grace sometimes. Work towards your goals, but also remember to be realistic. 

That is where I struggle--being realistic.  I am a list-maker, a goal-setter, and I set high expectations for myself.  Honestly, will I accomplish 20 items from my to-do list in one day?  Probably not, and I should not beat myself up when I don't accomplish them in that given day.  Instead, prioritize and set out realistic goals. Pick a few at a time...not 20. 

My son has a home educator that comes over every month and she wanted to help me with goal-setting.  She asked me what would one goal be for myself, for Joshua, and one for our family.  This is what we came up with:

 

The home educator told us to eat twice a week at our dinner table. I thought this was strange and I asked why she did not insist on doing 6-7 times a week.  Her response was that you have to set yourself up for success. If I started out with 6-7 days as our family goal, we would fail right away and never try again (most likely).  So set yourself up with baby steps, small goals that you know you can easily accomplish. That way you can see the progress and not beat yourself up.  These are small goals, but my personal goals are pretty outlandish... which is why I have to reel in my thoughts and force myself to be realistic again.

I just want to encourage others and root them on!  I have many goals and struggles in life and to know there is someone to stand by me makes a world of difference.  

 Remember: 

Imperfect Progress!

Little Progress IS Progress!

What are some things you are working on or want to share?  We are in this together!

 

In the hands of Obama...

My blood has been boiling lately. 

My brain has been creating different scenarios to make something work.

Then I realize, I need to be REALISTIC...

I need to be realistic with my expectations & with life-altering choices. Sometimes it is really difficult to take a step back and know that waiting is sometimes better in the end.  But it's hard when you want something so bad!  You can either take a plunge and hope for the best, or wait until all your "ducks are lined up in a row". Either way-- it's scary and makes me question myself.

I do not want to be the type of person to lead you on and keep you wondering what this is pertaining to.  That would be the most annoying thing ever... For the last few months, I have stewed over the thought of having another baby.  Then I remember: Our insurance is poop. 

During the month, we have come to the conclusion to wait for ObamaCare and see what that entails.  That means I am going to wait and see if our work insurance changes or see what changes when ObamaCare comes into play.  I am just at an annoyed point right now and can't help but laugh because we may/may not have another baby right now based on what Obama does....

How crazy is that?   We are basing our decisions on what someone else does... Insurance can help a lot in some cases (or in our case right now really screw us over).  What's driving me nuts right now is thinking that ObamaCare or new insurance won't even provide maternity coverage anyways, so why the heck are we waiting for that?  Caught in a dilemma. That's all there is to it.

In the end, God has full control and knows what is best for our family.  I honestly do not know what is best right now. I just hate the fact that in this day and age, we have to base our baby thoughts on what the government is doing or not doing.  

It should be as simple as:  I want a baby, so we are having a baby (God-willing).    

Wish it was that easy!  We have to consider if Joshua is at an age to handle a sibling. If we are ready to be able to handle 2 kids. And about 50 other things to consider...

Going back to my original thought-- Be REALISTIC!  The problem is that I don't know if we are over-thinking this, making excuses, or if we are being smart to wait.  Maybe a mixture of both.

If we did not let fear control our thoughts and decisions, we would probably have another child by now.  We love our son sooo much, that I know another little one will have just as much love from us too.  But the logistics of it all is what is getting in the way...

Sorry for the back and forth rant. Like I said, I go back and forth and end up nowhere.